Saturday, June 24, 2017

My F(f)ather

Almost every Saturday for the past three years, my father has walked through my front door for a weekly visit. We sat on the couch, drank tea and chatted about our lives.

Two Saturdays ago, my father walked through my door as usual. Only it wasn’t so usual because it was the first time in six weeks that he could drive himself to my house. It felt right and normal again.

Then, last Saturday, I walked through my father's hospital door, sat by his bed and chatted about how he had lost the ability to walk. As we parted, he held my hand and said, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to walk through your front door again.” Since we were focused on walking, I was hopeful we could find other means to make sure Dad made it through the door.

The next dayFather’s DayI was in church singing the words to a favorite song, Good Good Father* and hearing the Holy Spirit speak to my breaking heart:

I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like
But I've heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you're pleased
And that I' never alone

Eva, you are not alone, I am pleased with you

You're a good good father
It's who you are

Eva, I am your true Father even after your earthly father is gone. I am good.

And I'm loved by you
It's who I am

Eva, I love you and will take care of you.

Because you are perfect in all of your ways to us

Eva, my ways and timing are perfect.

As I was singing and weeping, my earthly father walked through his Heavenly Father’s front door. My father was right! He will never again walk through my front door. But while we were focusing on my physical home, God was focusing on his eternal home.

Oh, it's love so undeniable
I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

Eva, my love and peace are here for you. Come deeper into my love, for I am your Good Father.

And now today, this Saturday, we celebrate my father’s life, legacy and testimony. We honor him and put his earthly bodythe one that ran at full steam for 92 years and then just petered outto rest. But his soul, his spiritmy real fatheris chatting about his life with his Real Father. The same Good Father that loves me.

*Songwriters: Anthony Brown / Joseph Patrick Martin Barrett
Good Good Father lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Thursday, June 15, 2017

My Magnificat

Mary: How I praise the Lord. How I rejoice in God my Savior!
Hannah: How I rejoice in the Lord!
Miriam: Sing to the Lord! For I will sing about the Lord, the God of Israel.
Deborah: Praise the Lord! For I will sing about the Lord, the God of Israel.
Today I feel like Mary and Hannah and Miriam and Deborah! I must lift my voice and my pen and praise the Lord. Today I rejoice in my God and my Savior! I feel a song rising in me that has to be sung!

Mary: For he took notice of his lowly servant girl, and now generation after generation forever will call me blest of God.
Hannah: How he has blessed me!
While I haven't been blessed in the way that Mary was, I still feel that God has taken notice of me - a lowly, ordinary woman seeking to serve him. His marvelous grace has been extended to even me.

Mary: For he, the mighty Holy One, has done great things for me.
Hannah: No one is as holy as the Lord! There is no other God. Nor any Rock like our God.
God has been listening to my prayers and I am beginning to see real, concrete, tangible answers to the deep cry of my heart. His answer, his healing has been so gradual that at times it has seemed negligible. But lately, it has come in spades and leaps and bounds! There is no other answer, no one else who could do the work he has done.

Mary: His mercy goes on from generation to generation, to all who reverence him.
Hannah: He lifts the poor from the dust - yes, from a pile of ashes - and treats them as princes sitting in the seats of honor.
God's lovingkindness that I see to Mary has been extended to me. He has withheld what I deserved and given me what is undeserved.

Mary: How powerful is his mighty arm!
Hannah: For the Lord has solved my problem.
This kind of healing and change only comes from his hand. Only he can reframe a habitual life, renew a patterned mind and reprogram a heart.

Mary: How he scatters the proud and haughty ones! He has torn princes from their thrones and exalted the lowly.
Hannah: Quit acting so proud and arrogant! The Lord knows what you have done, and he will judge your deeds. Those who are mighty are mighty no more! Those who were weak are now strong.
At times I was proud and felt I deserved his attention and his immediate action to the desperate cry of my heart. But he is teaching me to be accept his ways in his time. 

Mary: He has satisfied the hungry hearts and sent the rich away with empty hands.
Hannah: Those who were well are now starving; Those who were starving are fed.
He has been more than what my hungry heart has needed and even wanted. He has filled me when I was empty and satisfied me with himself.

Mary: And he has helped his servant Israel! He has not forgotten his promise to be merciful. For he promised our fathers - Abraham and his children - to be merciful to them forever. 
As God did not forget to show love, compassion and mercy on the children of Israel, so he has not forgotten me. He has shown the same love to me. It hasn't been in the way I wanted or in the timeframe that suited me, but his love has always been there.

Thank you, my Lord for the recent grace and love I have experienced. It is from your hand and I want to give praise to the mighty, Holy One!

Mary: Luke 1:46-55 The Living Bible 
Hannah: I Samuel 2:1-10 The Living Bible