I am tired. My soul is weary from nearly two months of grieving, traveling, being out of routine, engaging with lots of people (I am an introvert after all), hosting guests, not enough time with my spouse or by myself and facing even more upheaval in the weeks ahead. I am not complaining for this is the life that God has given me and I embrace it. There are just times when it's a bit too much. When the unexpected, like the death of a good friend, tips the already delicate balance. And no time to do the things that energize me sends me over the edge.
It is time to regroup, to be renewed. I turn to Luke 18. In verses 18:35-43 I find the account of the blind beggar who heard Jesus was passing by and so called out loud enough to interrupt the procession. When he had caught Jesus' attention, Jesus asked that all important question, "What do you want me to do for you?"
This question - this awesome question - dovetails beautifully with the Apostle Paul's prayer requests in Ephesians 3, this time verse 16.
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources (NLT) he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being (NIV).
And so I hear Jesus asking me today, "Which of my glorious, unlimited resources do you need to empower your inner being today?" As verse 14 encouraged me to kneel and beg of my Father, verse 16 leads me to beg for resources from the wealth of his glory.
This question first of all shines the spotlight on my lack of resources, on my own limitations. It reminds me how intensely I need Jesus to do something for me because I simply cannot. There is not enough time or money or wisdom for me to do it all, to be available for everyone, to get it right every time, to always have the right balance of self care and mutual care. I cannot heal grief or fix broken souls or reconcile differences. I need Jesus to do it for me, to do A LOT for me.
I desperately need my inner person to be strengthened. And this empowering can only come from one source - God's glorious, unlimited resources! Wow! Romans 11:33-36 describes my God:
Oh the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and unfathomable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became his counselor? Or who has given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever! Amen.
This is the God who can empower my inner being. This is the one who I cannot understand and yet who allows me to seek to know him. He can and will give my spirit what it needs from his Spirit. There is so much more I could grab ahold of. I don't ask enough!
So which of God's glorious, unlimited resources do I need now? I need:
Love for difficult people
Patience to listen to long stories and painful emotions
Financial gifts to supply daily need
Joy and laughter and fun in the midst of grief and loss
Rest and Peace despite uncertain circumstances
Faith to believe God can be glorified through unresolved conflict
Wisdom to know which battles to fight, when to speak louder
Hope that I will be reunited with loved ones
Security in his presence and sovereignty
Companionship and Intimacy with my Savior
After the blind beggar had told Jesus which resource he needed (in his case, healing of sight) and received it in full measure, he followed Jesus, praised him and thus others praised him too. This should also be the result of my inner strengthening - I follow Jesus, I praise him and influence others to praise him too.
So this is my cry today, "I beg of You Jesus, to strengthen me in my inner person with power through your Spirit. For that strength, I grab hold of your glorious, unlimited resources so that I might follow you, praise you and influence others to praise you too."